


Good in the World

by killerweasel



Category: Good Omens (TV Series)
Genre: Gen, Snake Crowley (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:55:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21812512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killerweasel/pseuds/killerweasel
Summary: The 'zombie' is about to find out he's not the scariest thing in the room.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 69





	Good in the World

Title: Good in the World  
Fandom: Good Omens (TV Series)  
Characters: Crowley, Hastur, Warlock  
Word Count: 1,001  
Rating: PG-13  
A/N: After Episode 6.  
Summary: The 'zombie' is about to find out he's not the scariest thing in the room.

Crowley frowned at his phone when it rang. Very few people actually had his number and Aziraphale was out of the country at an antique book show. He stared at the number for a moment before answering. "Yes?"

"Nanny? Is that you?"

Crowley's eyebrows shot up to his hairline. He'd forgotten he had given Warlock his number years ago. He cleared his throat and then answered in his Nanny voice. "Warlock? What's wrong?"

"My parents are at a summit and when I woke up, this creepy guy was lurking out in the hall. He's getting closer to my room. I think he's the guy from our trip to the Middle East, but he looks different now. He's got shark eyes. Maybe he's a monster or a zombie? He looks kinda dead."

"Warlock, dear, I need you to set the phone down on the floor and then hide under the bed."

"But what about the zombie, Nanny? Crap! He's coming inside!"

"The zombie is about to find out he's not the scariest thing in the room." Crowley waited until he heard Warlock crawl under the bed and then he moved through the phone lines. When he popped out on the other side, he was in Warlock's room. Hastur almost fell through the doorway in surprise.

"Crowley." His lips curled back in a snarl, exposing his teeth. "Now I can deal with you both at the same time."

"He hasn't done anything to you." Crowley felt demonic energy begin to dance along his hands. "He's a child. It's not his fault the nuns screwed up and gave his parents the wrong damn kid."

"He's a false Anti-Christ. And he said I smelt like poo." Hastur flicked his wrist and a straight-razor appeared in his hand. "I'm going to carve both of you up until there's nothing left but tiny pieces. Then I'm going to feed the pieces to my maggots."

"If you leave now, I won't kill you." He could feel himself growing more reptilian. Crowley's teeth shifted into fangs, his nails became claws. "I wiped Ligur off the face of the planet. I don't have a problem doing the sssame to you."

"You're bluffing. You don't even have any Holy Water."

"I live with an angel." Crowley gave him a smile which promised pain. "Either shit or get off the pot, Hastur."

"What?"

"Attack or leave, you jackass."

Hastur moved faster than Crowley expected. He crossed the room, bringing the straight-razor up to slash at Crowley's throat. Crowley barely managed to dodge before shifting into the largest serpent he could think of. His tail tangled around Hastur's feet, knocking the Duke to his knees. Crowley quickly wrapped his entire body around Hastur, squeezing as hard as he could. He heard bones breaking under the pressure.

Hastur tried to get himself free, but with his arms and legs pinned, he couldn't snap his fingers to perform any miracles. Every time Hastur tried to breathe, Crowley squeezed tighter. He tipped them both sideways onto the floor. Crowley glanced under the bed at Warlock, who didn't look anywhere near as terrified as he should have been.

"Warlock, darling, remember that little bottle Brother Francisss gave you? If you ssstill have it, I need you to bring it here right now."

"Yes, Nanny!" Warlock scrambled out from under the bed, dashing towards his closet. He rummaged around for a moment and then pulled out a tiny, tartan flask. "This is it!"

"Good boy."

When Hastur saw the flask, he started struggling harder, his black eyes wide with fear. "Wait. Don't do it. I'll leave him alone. I'll leave both of you alone. I swear."

"You're a demon, Hassstur." Crowley shifted just enough to bring his face in front of the Duke's. "You lie."

"I swear on Lucifer himself I won't touch either of you." Hastur pulled back from the flask Warlock was wiggling near his face. "I'll swear in blood, if that's what you want."

"What do you think, Warlock?"

"I think you can let him go, Nanny. He's got blood coming out of his mouth, so he's pretty squished inside." Warlock unscrewed the lid to the flask. "If he tries anything, I'll throw this on him."

"A child you threatened to kill isss giving you another chance, Hassstur. This is why we sssaved the bloody world. There are good people here." Crowley uncoiled his body from the Duke's before shifting back into his usual form. He sliced his hand open with a fang. "Swear in blood and then get the Heaven out of here." He held his hand out and waited.

"I swear." Hastur bit down on his palm until black blood welled out. When their hands met, a flash of power went through the room. Muttering something under his breath, Hastur snapped his fingers and vanished.

"So... you're a snake and a guy?" Warlock went to balance the flask on his hand and it tipped sideways pouring glitter all over the floor. "Why was a demon afraid of glitter?"

"Sometimes I'm a guy, sometimes I'm a girl, sometimes I'm a snake. Is that okay?" Warlock nodded. Crowley sighed, sitting down on the floor. When he patted the spot beside him, Warlock sat down too. "Hastur thought it was something else. Why aren't you freaking out?"

"Dunno." Warlock shrugged. "I've seen you do stuff before, I just pretended I didn't. And I saw Brother Francis once without the teeth, but he didn't know I was there. I just figured you were magic bodyguards or something. Couldn't exactly ask my parents about it without it getting weird." Warlock was quiet for a moment. "You said something about the nuns giving my parents the wrong baby."

"Eh... It's complicated? I could tell you if you want. If you don't want to know, that's okay too." Crowley reached out, tucking Warlock's hair behind his ear. "You know we cared, right? We didn't mean to just ditch you like that, but things took a turn and then we had to save the world, and here we are."

"I don't think I want to know yet. Tonight was a bit much." He bit his lip. "Is it okay if I call you? Or text when I'm bored?"

"Always, my dear. Any hour, day or night. I will always be here for you." Crowley leaned in, dropping a kiss on Warlock's forehead. "Now, what do you say we go down to the kitchen and I'll make you one of those monster sundaes you used to love so much?"

"Sounds fantastic, Nanny."


End file.
